Ode to odes

There once was a girl name Annie. She carried a song in her heart, a light in her smile, and an ocean of experiences behind her big blue eyes.

There once was a boy named Jason. He never wanted anything but the best for Annie. He finds myself driving down the road listening to her playing and singing on her ukulele, remembering trips and dinners and time together, close, friendly and her full of life.

There once was a dog named Abominable. He was viscous and terrible, a known killer, but his heart fell for Annie. Every time he saw her his tail waged, his mouth panted and he nearly wet himself in excitement.

One thing from this remains true. Annie never really knew how much she truly meant to people and how she impacted their life, how truly special she was. But in that, no matter how much the boy loved the girl, no matter how much he thought of her, learned about her or wanted to help her...he could never respond with such an honest reaction as an uncontrollable wagging butt and a growing wet-spot on his pants....for if he did....he'd be considered an incontinent freak, and it wouldn't be sexy...not in the least.

So I end this ode with a song and a dance...and ask that if I ever leave suddenly, please don't look at my pants...

Fight the Urge

Given your re-connection with Kelly, the depression you've been feeling and the likely sense of emotional upheaval with things changing between us....fight the urge to medicate or hide behind the feel-good meds that you could be hooked up now. This is the kind of perfect storm that leads people down a road that they never wanted to go down or would never dream they'd end up on. You're right when you said earlier that I wouldn't approve....I worry about you and I'm worried that in trying to mask pain or to fight off the blahs and depression of life, you could end up hurt, addicted and soon out of control. The temporary relief it brings you know doesn't last and you've seen its effects in the lives of your friends. Don't become a statistic, don't make things harder for yourself...right the urge for the quick fix...find a way...

Just One Word

Note: If this looks funky it's because I'm trying out the feature
where I can post from my email, so let's see how it works...

You know I love detail, how I like to know as much as possible, really
get into it and try to understand everything, but for this I'm just
looking for a simple "yes" or "no", if it's 'yes' I don't need to know
what or any further details, if 'no' I don't need an explanation. I'm
just curious as to what the answer is.

Q: Up until this moment, have you done, or are you planning on doing
anything, for Christmas as it pertains to me?

iPad Approximation....

There's an entry that I wrote tonight that I'm not ready to post yet, so this one gets a jump in the queue.

In that post I took a brief detour from the main topic (topic"s" really) and I ended up running a few numbers on my spending. Ok, the numbers were really simple...just log into my credit card account, then remember a few odds and ends (like the nails, which I paid cash for). In the end I came up with roughly $412 I've spent in about the last 4 weeks on things for you/us. Granted, that is a little high b/c of Christmas, but it does illustrate a point. You kind of joked to me...I feel guilty you spending so much on a single gift....but then added...maybe over a month, but not for one thing. -- You might have said it jokingly, you might have been serious....either way, this past month you weren't far from that being a true statement.

After looking at that something came to mind....so I have a proposal for you...take it or leave it. -- It's essentially an exercise in money management. I've done similar things as this for myself over the years when I wanted something, and I did something like this for an ex-g/f once as well to help her buy a heat-pump so she could get rid of window air-conditioners. -- The concept is simple...any money that I don't spend on you/us, I can put towards an iPad. For instance...if we go out to eat at a Thai place and you get water instead of a Thai Coffee, that's what, $3 towards the iPad? Go to Wendys instead of Vietnamese and that's likely a $10 savings, eat in and the whole amount is saved (usually $20+ when we go out...our Red Robin trip, for instance, was a $36 w/ tip). The idea is to make conscious changes to spending habits, then save the money you would have spent...so it's just redistribution of the money you have. It's amazing how little changes add up quickly. As I alluded to before, this is why I started packing my lunch years ago (saving $3-5 a day at Wendy's for lunch let me buy my first CD burner...I just made sure I saved that money first before actually buying it).

What I've always liked about this is, and why I've done this same thing several times in my own life, is that it gives me freedom to choose, it's not a rigid system. If I decided I wanted to go out w/ the guys one day, I could do that, I just didn't bank any money that day. If I decided...I don't want water, I want a soda...I was free to get it. I'd still be free to do things for you, to help you out, we could still do anything we wanted at any time....it's not like a diet or an allergy where you're saying "I can't have this"...but we can also choose to abstain, or to scale back. If we don't, it's no big deal, there's no rule that says we have to do any of these cost-saving things...all it means is that it takes longer to reach the goal when we don't. If you watch the numbers it also lets you see how little things (like a drink choice) can have a big impact and that knowledge can extend into new behaviors well after the goal is reached.

Going back over the previous months credit card bills, we're rarely under $200 in a month (and I suspect those are months we don't see each other often), so there's some definite room to work with for savings. -- My hope is 2 fold 1) It gives a little object lesson in being aware of cost, what's being spent, money management (insert check-mark in the fatherly lesson book) 2) Maybe you won't feel guilty if I do get you an iPad b/c you can look at it and say...he'd spent that money anyways, but I worked to save that money... -- I guess there is always a 3rd option, that when all is said and done, maybe you look at it and say....I think I'd rather have/do X instead...BUT...if you think this is something you'd like to do or try, then say so and the number counting can begin (and you know how I like numbers)....

The Gift.....

You asked me today, and probably before today as well, what I wanted for Christmas. As much as I prefer for people to give things without the use of a list, I look for that when I'm hoping for a personal gift and not simply a gift. The way I see it, a gift is just a thing, an object, the real meaning comes from the mindset and heart behind it and gifts should be personal thing, something that the giver comes up with as a token of what or how they feel about the receiver. This is why I dislike saying "get me this". At times that can be good, when you're meeting a need, fulfilling a true want. This is what happened today. You like tea, love it really. By getting you the tea, tea pot and container, that was something bought and given out of love. I saw how you wanted, how it would make you happy, how you wouldn't do it for yourself, so I wanted to get it for you.

So, seeing how it is that you gave me a list today, perhaps it is only fair that I do the same for you now.

All along I've had a few ideas in mind when it comes to what you could get for me.

* Clothes item: I don't want to clarify more than that as I'm interested as to what it is that you'd get for me. What would you want to see me in? Would it be a shirt, boxers, socks, pants, tie, jacket...what is it that you want to see when we're out, when we're in private, what do you imagine me in....that's what I'd want. This is how I feel like I can give you this idea b/c from here I know whatever it is you pick will be your vision or desire for me and will then that item will carry the memory of you any time it touches my body.

* Music : I've already mentioned this one to you...in fact...it's the only that I mentioned to you really. It was...sheet music for the piano. since I hope to be getting my parent's piano soon, I need something new to learn. Sure, I'll be rehashing some old pieces to get back into the swing of things, and I do have that one song I picked out that I want to learn...but I might find myself with a desire to break away from what I'm relearning or trying to pick out (w/o music)...in which case...what is it that you'd like to hear me play for you? Is there anything that you would want to sing as I played? -- Obviously downloaded/printed music is fine by me, it's not the $ spent, but getting to learn what it is that you want to hear from me

Note: all the things below have a common thread...You

* A recording of you singing (video or audio): You know I've asked for similar things several times, even going so far as to ask for a CD worth of you singing. I love hearing you sing and it'd be such a personal gift...one that I'd know you made just for me. Be able to hear you, any time I wish, would be a gift that would be more than precious and something that, at this time, I can't go buy at a store on my own.

* IOU Cards (sometimes called Love Cards): I'm sure you've seen similar things. Basically these are cards (even if just words on a cut-up pieces of paper) that gives the holder rights to whatever is mentioned on it. These can be anything from a walk, to a massage, a meal, a movie choice, to kisses, to makeout sessions, to a whole host of romantic and/or sexual things. The ideas of what could be done, the variations on any one theme are nearly endless. In some ways this is a gift that keeps on giving, little things you can do here and there, tokens of how you care. It's kind of like giving out little pieces of yourself in an on-going basis...whether those pieces are sweet, meaningful, emotional, romantic or sexual. You get to decide what you're offering, how sweet or sexual it is, and how much you're offering....maybe it's 1 card, maybe 50 cards....regardless, it's a gift that says...I love you, here's the papers to prove it.

* A Day (more/less) with You: This could be structured in quite a few ways, but the idea is that you intentionally set aside a day, a few hours, an evening...something...for just me and you. What we do, where we go that's anyone's guess at this point...but it's set aside as our time. For this you could leave it as...we'll do what I want to do, or you can keep control and say...this is what we're doing. This might not sound like much to you, but having you say...I'm giving you this time, for me and for you, because I want time with you, that's a good gift from where i stand.

* You in a bow : Well, in many ways I'm not being literal here (although....), it's really more of the concept. The concept is simple... where the above options you're in many ways figuratively giving yourself to me or giving of yourself, in this way it's more of a literal giving. As this would be your gift to me I'm not spelling out...it should be this...this could be anything from an afternoon, an overnight, to several days, from cumming once to using viagra, from romantic to kinky, from complete submission, whatever you desire to just being loving and tender...to anything you can think of on any end of the spectrum.

* Throw Back : Ok, I didn't know what to call this but the idea is kinda simple...offer a throw-back to the early days. A new pic-shoot, "preparing" a pair of panties, a video...something a long those lines.

I'll go ahead and stop there, but you get the idea. -- If you were to ask me...what do I want most for Christmas, my answer would be...I want you (queue Christmas music). Even if it's just temporary, a night, short bursts, even if it's just a token, or a piece or a symbol...I want to have you. -- So there it is...my list of things. Use it as a guide, get one thing, get several, get it all, get none of it...that's the beauty of a list, you decide what to take from it...or maybe it help to give you an idea all your own. As with any list of course the person creating it has their own ideas and hopes...but...it's never up to the creator to decide what happens to the list...only to provide it.....and now I've done it...and your task is to decide....how much are you wanting/willing to give and in what way(s) are you wanting to give and is whatever you decide even on that list at all? At the end of the day it's a gift and nobody can make you give a gift, for a true gift is a way to show someone that you're thinking of them, that you care, and that this thing you're giving is for them...for all those reasons and more....

Extending the Numbers

Ok...because I'm a numbers person, I decided to take the figures from the last post and expand upon their possible implications.

Assume:
* 55% of men think about sex multiple times a day (45% think about it rarely)
* 20% of women think about sex multiple times a day (80% think about it rarely)
* Thinking about it has a direct correlation to desire
* Because so many relationships have sexual problems, people do not use sexual compatibility as a factor when entering into a relationship

Based on those numbers, then you can create the following chart

	Women High	Women Low
Men High	11%	44%
Men Low	9%	36%

Roughly 1 in 10 women are in a relationship in which they desire sex more than their partner. Conversely, nearly half of all men are in a relationship where they crave sex more than their partner. Only 1 in 10 relationships involve people that are both highly sexually motivated, whereas 1 in 3 relationships involve only mildly sexually motivated people.

There are then 2 ways of looking at this. Does the 11% high sexually motivated couple have more padding, more give and take, if desire drops off slightly in one person? If things go from every day to 4 times a week for a while, is that ok since there's both still a high level of sexual satisfaction, or is the loss more highly noticed because there is such a high focus on sex already? To that end, does the 1:3 low sexually motivated couple hurt more when sex goes from once a month to once every 2 months or is the change almost undetectable since that's not what defines their relationship? When one person in a low sexually motivated relationship loses even more interest, is that a show of more neglect and loss or simply another delay?

Regardless, over half the relationships are sexually unbalanced. Among the balanced couples, you're 3-times more likely to be low sexually driven. The chance for a relationship to run into sexual problems appears to be high (what did my dad always say, most problems in relationships are caused by money and sex....and it's normally too little of each), so it just illustrates the need for openness and communication, for people to take the focus off themselves and to see things through the eyes of their partner. The sexually motivated person needs to understand that the other may not want, it may not mean the same thing, that they have different needs that have to be fulfilled in order to feel close and intimate....whereas the less sexually motivated needs to understand that simply because they don't crave it in the same way, it is still a vital role in the relationship. Neither position is wrong and neither is more right, either person asserting that their position is the most important view is clearly setting their relationship up for disaster. To the same end, either party simply giving the other what they want because they "must" is driving a wedge between them just as quickly. So the key point for all this is simply...odds are at some point every relationship will be sexually unbalanced....the goal isn't to avoid the unbalance, but learning to live within it in a way that both people are content, happy and fulfilled.

Men vs Women....as it pertains to sex

According to some internet searches.....

* 54% of men think about sex several times a day
* 19% of women think about sex several times a day
* 43% of men think about sex a few times a month

* Male brain thinks about sex every 52 seconds
* Female brain thinks about sex once a day

* After 4 years in a relationship less than half of women want regular sex, after 20yrs only 20% do
* Men's libido tends to remain relatively steady regardless of relationship length
* Women's high/low sex drive is attributed to it being high to facilitate pair-bonding then moving towards a desire for tenderness
* Note: Another study said that college aged girls appear to think about sex half as often as guys which further supports this pair-bonding idea, but further implies a sharp drop-off in thought/desire later in life.


From this you can infer that roughly half of all men think about (and want) sex all the time. Roughly half of the men think about (and want) sex on a fairly infrequent basis. Whatever it is that your guy feels and wants now, odds are that's what he's gonna want and crave throughout the relationship. Additionally, your sexual drive and physical need for him will only diminish more and more the longer you're together. Part of the task in a successful relationship is finding that balance or a way of working with biological/mental differences between the two so that both parties feel satisfied....where one doesn't feel neglected nor the other one simply used, as both will tear a relationship apart. How to achieve this satisfaction/balance goal can be an extensive task, but communication is the first key, with each person acknowledging the other's desires/wants/needs and the importance they each place on those various aspects of the relationship. From there there's quite a few topics to spill into (how to communicate a "no", what acceptable lengths will each go to for the other's satisfaction, closeness without sex, acceptable outlets when one isn't in the mood, how to communicate a need (tenderness or sexual), etc), but it all starts with communication and acknowledgement of the other's view. I firmly believe that this isn't a one-time conversation as desires, interests, wants and satisfaction, for both individuals, can change numerous times in their life and in any relationship it is those that are less "me" focused and more "you" or "us" focused that enjoy the highest levels of contentment and true happiness. We are all multi-layered individuals and rarely is a need simply one thing (physical, emotional, mental), but without communication it can appear that a partner is overlooking (or focusing too much on) one single aspect and that one aspect becomes a focal point for resentment, conflict and dissatisfaction.

However, my little step into the psychology field aside...to answer your txt...do guys think about sex all the time or want sex all the time....the answer is...a little more than half the guys do both....so my answer is.....both